Not sexy

I've been writing my entries on word and then copy pasting them here when I get a minute between activities. I am manic to suck the marrow out of summer and just cannot force myself to stay in long. Because of this, I'm losing tabs, italic etc and in general have a wall of unsexy text on my blog. I'll be working to correct that soon. In general my writing is sloppy and rushed, but I can at least see that it is coherent for any unschooling folks who pop in to share my adventures. So, sorry and I'll try to do better in the future. If it does not improve, I'll send chocolates to anyone offended or inconvenienced by my unsexy blog style.

Unschool sick day and a DPP that makes me sick

Yesterday we ran hard all day and my dd had a sniffle. We played hard all day. After dinner we were invited to the park to watch our silly friends beat each other up with foam padded “swords”. They are players of the game Daggerheir and were having too much fun using every move they knew to whack each other around the park. It was fun to watch and cheer, but dd had to join in the fray. The only fatality she achieved was mine, as I am too old and slow for a quick little thing like her. Afterwards we sauntered home and watched the two Ira Wohl documentaries, Best Boy and Best Man. They chronicle the rising independence of his mentally challenged cousin from age 50 to age 70. They were great, but we stayed up too late and dd did not feel well today. I ran a few errands while she stayed in. It was a quiet day for her. She took vitamin C and drank fluids. She read several chapters in her the books she has been reading and watched a signing video. She napped, drank hot tea and helped me fold clothes. Before and after dinner we watched The Dark Crystal and the documentary of how it was made. When dh and I went for our evening walk, she stayed in and read a bit more. I’m about to give her more tea with lemon and let her get some sleep.
I think rest is important and I am not obsessed with quantifying every activity in school terms or in being productive in every breath we take. Still, it strikes me that even in her down time my child is engaged. She is learning something at all times, even when she takes the day off to recuperate. This comes to mind because recently a n article in a local paper instructed neighbors to spy on home and unschoolers and stated that the Director of Pupil Personnel in that county would be “cracking down” on homeschoolers who were not really schooling. They went as far as to suggest that the DPP would be investigating families and homes to be sure a curriculum was being used. This is completely against state laws. Worse still, it is counter productive and impractical. We do not use a set plan. We do what pleases us and what we feel edifies us. My daughter has the right to make that choice as much as any adult does. What knowledge is valuable when is not the governments to impose on us. The individual cannot be trained to disregard his or her own preferences, knowledge and instincts by the state and still be expected to operate as an intelligent being in a democratic republic. I do not want a passive child who does not feel free to follow her own passion and set her own goals. I should not feel pressured as a parent to work against my own conscience as the steward of my offspring’s childhood.
Dude, this aggression will not stand.
We’re going to keep living authentically and learning naturally and no press grabbing bureaucrat is going to change that.

But did we swim enough?

Friday last we met some friends at the pool and splashed around with what seemed like every kid in Paducah. My garden buddy and her niece came and my daughter’s oldest friend suited up and went swimming too. I bopped home to freshen up and collect one of our dogs then I met the girls back at the park for a drum circle. There is a drumming group in Paducah and they have a Yahoo group that you can search if you care to join. They invited us to join them and I am so glad we did! I am by no means musical, but that was great! Everyone can find a rhythm. If you have a heart, you can keep a beat. My dh joined us after work and we drummed until dinner time.
Saturday was a busy day for everyone. A lovely friend of mine from Community of Women (a 501 charity that helps locally.) and I passed out pamphlets for our upcoming mask contest and auction. We walked and talked for 8 hours before retiring to her place for a refreshing dip in the pool. As I drove home there was a spectacular lightening storm. Late Kentucky summer storms never disappoint .They come with fantastic pyrotechnics and usually brief spouts of heavy rain. There is plenty of drama without too much inconvenience. While I was warm chattering with all of Lower and Down town my dd and dh were landscaping our front walk. They did beautiful work and I am very pleased with my new flower beds and solar lights.
Sunday we vegged around the house all day, literally. We’ve decided to eat vegan for one month to see if we like it and how the diet makes us feel. So far, we all feel great and the food is delicious. So we picked through several donated copies of Vegetarian Times looking for recipes that sounded yummy. Tonight I make a vegan penne and cheese pasta that is creamy and cheesy, yet contains absolutely no dairy. I am curious and hopeful of the outcome.
Today dd was invited to a birthday party at Sandy Creek Stables. A good friend and one time neighbor of ours is quite the dashing young horse woman, so naturally she held her party where she could share her passion with her friends. They have such a variety of horses at Sandy Creek and the staff is so knowledgeable and friendly that I had as much fun as the kids. (Did you know the Chinese invented stirrups? They did.) I tend to be intimidated by animals that tower above me, but I think I fell in love with a gorgeous Hanoverian named Little Beau. He was very charming and laid back, as were all the horses I met at Sandy Creek. I hated to leave, but I had to get some shopping done. So dd stayed with her friend and the girls left and went swimming after I abandoned the fun at the stables. So here I sit blogging about another unschool week begun. I may bugger off for a bike ride before dd returns. Dear reader, I hope you are having as much fun as we are and soaking up all the summertime you can.

Weekly update: I'm not Chevy Chase and neither are you.

Well, the girls never made it to the pool yesterday. Instead they went to the Quilt Museum for a Junior Quilters meeting. My daughter loves to sew, so the high tech sewing machines there enthralled her entirely. I think she’s going to join Junior Quilters and start volunteering to keep the touchy feely people’s hands away from the quilts that cost more than my house. That’s my baby, on the job, enforcing the law at the Quilt Museum. Then they came back to our house for some yummy, if experimental dinner and a scary movie. Her buddy stayed over and was not at all frightened by my threats to hide under the bed and grab ankles. I was threatened right back with a brutal wrist stomping.

I like her.

A couple nights back went to hoe around in our shared garden. Our gardening friends have turned out a fantastic garden that produces lots of veggies, with very little help from us. Yet, they still let us share in their bounty. What awesome friends! Their niece was in town all the way from Erin TN and wanted to hit the Nobel Park skate park. So she and dd strapped on their helmets and hit the park. Dd is starting to get more adventurous and try new ramps. She actually got some air this time. I’m so proud! If she gets any braver, I’m getting elbow and knee padding too. That stuff looks dangerous.

Today I am sunburned from all yesterday’s adventures. So, we’re staying in a bit. Dd is reading and I’m fooling around on here instead of folding laundry. I think I may make a cup of chai and get to work soon.

3pm there is a science show at the library. We’re so there!

Tonight is Film committee. To morrow night charity meeting to motivated and organize for an event in October and a movie in the park. The Paducah Parks Department will be showing Iron Man at the amphitheater at dusk. We’re hoping to go with a crowd of our besties.

Friday night there will be a drum circle at 5pm and a live band at 6:30pm in that same amphitheater. I think we may stroll over there after dinner and get our groove on.

Downtown with family and friends

I got a phone call today from a friend who exclaimed, “We have the best gynecologist EVER!” It has been that kind of day all day; random, jolly and full of silly moments.

I woke up early this morning and enjoyed a misty morning bike ride. The air had the slightest chill and sun was bright through the trees. It was all very picturesque until I hit the Land of the Lost sized spider web while crossing a bridge and had a small girlie fit that included monkey noises, “Ewe ew ew ew!”. Luckily no one saw this display but a squirrel. (I can imagine him blogging about it right now.) My dd slept in. Dh got up a bit later and walked a dog before heading off to work. When Dd awoke we had the yummiest breakfast ever, got ready and headed down town. We stopped at the library, said “Hi” to a friend and checked out some DVDs. Dd picked out an Agatha Christie mystery and a sign language video. I grabbed a couple things that interested me. We took the trolley to the farmer’s market and bought some juicy peaches, which we ate on the river bank under a shade tree. After resting there we took off to the health food store to by some yummy tempeh for tonight’s dinner. (We’re eating vegan and going booze free for at least a month. We vowed this after all eating like pigs and swilling too much beer over the Independence Day weekend and feeling really bloated and gross. I swear my colon is going to punch me in my face if I don’t let it detox.) From there we headed to the fabulous Etc. coffee house and met up with some buddies. A homeschooled friend of my daughters was hanging out with her English tutor. They meet a couple times a month for tutoring at the coffee shop. They’re booth great chicks whom I love to run in to. The tutor showed me a cucumber she had grown from her garden. I have never been introduced to produce so enthusiastically before. Still, I understood her zeal. I to have planted my first garden this year and it is a thrill. My buddy who had called earlier to rave about the quality of our shared gyno also joined us for some snacks and conversation. We even saw one of our fellow zombies extras at Etc! I love small towns! Dd ended up walking home with her friend and they should be calling soon to tell me they are ready to go swimming. I hitched a ride with my bud back to my car and decided that while it was not the most eventful or unusual day, it needed to be shared with the world.

Harry Potter in Nashvegas!?! Oh hell yes.

A friend of mine has informed me that we will be chartering a small private bus with a couple other families to Nashville in order to see Harry Potter on the IMAX screen. I’m girlishly excited. I may squee.

Tadpoles

This summer my daughter raised tadpoles. She found them drying up in an empty lot next to a grocery store and decided to rescue them. The delight of this act could not be planned. The outcome was random and uncontrolled by adults. Either she would successfully raise the tadpoles into frogs, or they’d die. In the process of trying to guess what kinds of frogs we had on our front porch in an old fish tank, we found out that Western Kentucky University has an excellent website that lists the frogs of KY, their photos and recordings of their calls. We turned out to be mostly raising tree frogs. She learned about metamorphosis, about what they eat and when. She learned to keep the water clean and clear of chemicals. She learned to keep the water aerated. She watched them grow, develop buds that formed into legs and she watched their colors change from murky black to green. Then it was time to let them go. They did not all survive. We lost several to raccoons who also delighted in digging in the gravel of the fish tank and playing with the plastic plants we had placed there. A few more were lost to a mysterious die off toward the end of the process. We still guess that we raised a couple hundred frogs from tiny tadpoles. It was a very exciting, albeit smelly experience.

Getting to know you....

I’ve made up some questions I’d ask me if I did not know me to help readers pick up what I’m lay’n down.

Why Move’n on Mom?

As you can see from my first post, the road of my life has had its share of pot holes, detours and 20 car pile ups. Sometimes on the road of life your car breaks down in Hills Have Eyes territory. These things do happen. But you don’t live in that moment forever. You don’t get down, get stymied and lose all hope. You gather your wits, get your bearings and you move on. You may have to do it by foot. Perhaps the ending theme music to the Hulk plays and makes you a little unsure of your chosen direction, but you move on. So in the name of hope and progress, I chose The Move’n on Mom.

Why Free Range Family?

It is my opinion that society, attitudes and circumstances can become little more than prisons if you allow them to be. I’ve gone free range and I encourage you to do the same. That does not mean you have to tune in and drop out or anything so dramatic (but you can if you like). I just encourage people to think of new solutions to old problems... or old solutions to new problems. I don’t care as long as it works and make you happy.

If you are a housewife, how do you pay the bills?

In the tradition of my foremothers, I pimp out my husband. That is to say, he works as a mental health professional and the director of a small home for special needs individuals. He brings home the bacon; I fry it up in a pan. That is how we roll.

Do you believe all families should homeschool / unschool?

No. If you really examine your situation and firmly believe it cannot be improved upon, you should do nothing different. But if the system does not work for you, as it did not work for us and frankly does not work for many people, you should try something else. Unschooling is student and experience driven. It does not create passive students. It creates curious and passionate learners. Putting kids in large peer groups for extended periods of their life is just too unnatural. They become peer dependent. The bonds of family breakdown and immature behaviors are modeled as ideal, rather than adult behavior. Commanding them to sit and listen trains the mind to obey blindly and to passively accept information. The student is not responsible for his or her own discovery. It is someone else’s job to teach them. Their own values are replaced with the school’s values and their choices for learning and mastery are limited. If you believe that the most energetic and inquisitive years of a child’s life should be spent on their butts being told what to learn and how to think, then you should not unschool.

Here is another ironic question a man ask me about homeschooling and unschooling:

“What if the parents are racist? Shouldn’t children have to go to school to learn values, just in case the family is corrupt in some way?”

This was ironic because the man was a bisexual single father arguing that schools needed to protect children from their parent’s values and substitute their own “family values”. My mind boggled. I’d heard that sentiment before, but never from a parent in his position. 30 years ago he’d have lost his parental rights because of society’s values. His son would have been told that his father was a pervert and a criminal. Yet, he’s a great dad who loves his son and provides a wholesome home despite the challenges of raising a child alone. Is that where we are as a society? Do we all distrust ourselves and our fellows so much? Do we really believe that kids must be protected from their parents as a rule? Has family become a thing to be feared and suppressed? Are we the thought police? My answer is, no. I hate to think that people are raising their kids to be racist, homophobic, sexist or to have any other irrational bias. I’m sure they are, though. Those things happen and most people don’t like it. Still, I don’t have the right to tell any person to raise their kids against their own conscience and beliefs. The schools are government institutions. They do not exist to counteract our raise’n. Teachers are there to teach, not to parent your kids for you. (I’m sure they’d love to say that to a lot of parent’s faces, but they can’t.) That means they are not there to tell you your parents need a different religion, sexuality or attitude. When it comes to families, so long as no one is being criminally neglected or abused we have the right to tend our own knitting and that is all.

Father's Day

My dh and dd went camping with friends over Father’s Day weekend. I stayed home to let them have some special time together and also not to overcomplicate their impromptu plans. I would have fussed for a couple hours over what to pack. Dh and dd quickly chucked some things into the hatchback and disappeared in a cloud of dust. I admit I also stayed home because I think it is insanity to camp out in 105 degree weather. But they camped in the shade by a spring fed creek and stayed fairly comfortable all weekend long. LBL had scads of activities to choose from that weekend, but for the most part they just enjoyed fishing, wading, canoeing and hanging out with friends. My husband tells me that there were five girls splashing around with our daughter. They stayed up all night Friday night and laughed under the stars. That day the girls were groggy but still managed to all go up to the Nature Center to learn about the animals and do nature crafts. If there is a better way for a kid and dad to spend Father’s Day, I cannot imagine what it could be. I’m hoping we all get to camp on August 11th and 12th. There will be a meteor shower that night and I don’t want to miss it.
On the other hand, I spent most of my weekend with girlfriends. We visited the Farmer’s Market, Etc. Coffeehouse and then spent the day in the pool. We had Kirchoff’s focaccia and blueberries for breakfast, a meal I highly recommend. That night one of my friends got a birthday tattoo and a couple of our guy friends joined us for pizza and a movie. I love living in western KY. It is a low key, relaxed place to live and I am a low key, relaxed kinda gal.

Brains!

What a blast! We spent all night on the set of an independent film. We got full zombie make up, plenty of screen time and we met the lovely, talented and absolutely sweetheart; Troma Girl Missy Simmons Poteat. We are completely beat today, but it was worth it. Our performance can be seen in the up coming Terrorvision film, “Rabies”. My daughter got some fabulous unschooling instruction from this experience. First of all, her horizons were broadened simply by learning that there were careers available she never knew existed. There were AV pros, actors, a director, special effects artists, writers, and at least one full time scream queen on set. My dd (dear daughter) was fascinated with the make up artists and all the equipment used in making a movie. The artists and actors were very sweet and took time to talk to her about the movie and their jobs. She learned what a boom mike was. She learned that sometimes grown ups have slightly unbecoming tantrums when they can’t figure out how to make a shot work within the time and budget they have to work with. She learned that hurry up and wait is a constant theme in any production. She learned that being a zombie extra is super cool, but it can also be dull and tiring. She learned that any back stage chat becomes hilarious when it is between people in zombie make up. It is funnier if they break into a few Yoga poses in order to stay awake, as one of our zombie sisters decided to do. We all learned that sometime when you are pretending to devour a pretty blonde girl in a short skirt, as zombies inevitably do, you tickle her and she hoses you in the face with fake blood. You won’t learn that in any book, but it is true and vital information to have if you happen to become a zombie.

Introduction rant

Welcome to my first edition of the Free Range Family Blog. After feeling my last nerve finally snap upon receiving unsolicited, heated and vulgarly phrased advice telling me exactly what some stranger thought of my family and my parenting choices via the internet, I have decided to lift my voice with the rest of the few but valiant unschooling bloggers. I realize that this may do little to educate the general public or to dispel misconceptions or battle stereotypes. Still, it may entertain other unschoolers. That in itself is enough of a reason for me to tell the world about my family an our adventures together.

To begin, readers should know that I have not been a life long unschooler. My husband and I began our parenting adventure with a lot of advice from Dr. and Martha Sears. We loved attachment parenting. It fit with what we knew about human development. It felt right and it worked. Still, we fell into the kind of family dynamic that society and family told us was normal. To make a long painful story short, that did not work for anyone involved. We brought our daughter home from school in the middle of the third grade, after school officials told us we couldn’t do that. (They were wrong.) My child had been medicated since kindergarten at the strong insistence of school officials. My husband has a background in mental health and behavior management so we pushed for non-chemical interventions and were repeatedly told there were none available. It was a painful experience in which we were lied to, belittled, subtly threatened and discouraged. Our child was diagnosed ADD and we were assured that if she only tried and took enough pills, she would be a model student. After all, she was clearly a bright child. Yet in the third grade she could not read, spell or do simple math. She took uppers in the morning and afternoon and downers to sleep at night. (This is what I like to call the Judy Garland diet. Later we would discover that our child was most likely dyslexic and no pill was ever going change that. What she needed was a different way to learn.) We had enough. We decided that we might not be able to do better than the school, but we certainly could not do worse. We brought her home and we all went through a long process of deprogramming as it dawned on us how dysfunctional our own school experiences had been and how useless all the work and heartache of the past few years had been. It was like leaving a cult. I feel I should have had a sponsor. Those who have had this experience will understand. Family and friends began to ask us bizarre and ironic questions. A family member who worked night shifts told me my daughter would never have a job as an adult if I did not force her to get up by six every morning. The fact that he himself did not, never crossed his mind. We were given gloom and doom scenarios by earnest and well meaning people all along the way. Here are a few and my responses.

Your kid won’t be normal.

No shit. Have you met her parents? This kid never had a snowball’s chance in hell at being an average bear and that was never our goal as parents. Besides, who’s normal are we talking about? Are we talking local west Kentucky public school normal? Are you talking about the pregnant 14 year olds, the cutters, the Jesus Camp kids or the girls with eating disorders that dress like hookers and date meth cookers? That menagerie of mediocrity is all represented in our public school population. I met an honor student from one of our high schools who told me that she thought Haiti was a mythical place, like Mount Olympus. I corrected her and she actually thought I was joking.

Public school is nothing like High School the Musical. If you believe it is you probably also think The Secret Diary of a Call Girl is exactly what real prostitution is like and Sesame Street depicts real inner city living.

You cannot give her a well rounded education. You’d need degrees in everything!

Incorrect. Public school teachers do not all have specialized degrees in anything other than being a public school teacher. My Psychology and World Civilizations teacher in high school was primarily a football coach. Teachers are often assigned the classes they will teach based on who is available and I’ve heard teachers complain that these class assignments are sometimes given to them in late summer giving them little opportunity to prepare. It frightens me that people don’t know this. Also, there is no rule that says I must teach my child everything she wants to learn. She wanted to dance. We hooked her up with the traveling Moscow Ballet and paid for some lessons at a local studio. She wanted to sew, we brought in a professional tailor and an experienced seamstress to give lessons. But mostly we rely on learning to be a natural process that human beings are built to do. We don’t teach. We facilitate learning. It is actually a fairly easy gig and a lot of fun.

That poor child will never go to prom!!!

As I recall, prom sucked. The music was top 40 trash, my dress was gaudy and most people went for the drunken after parties and dry humping, not for the dance. My husband actually attended one prom with me and we remember laughing as we slow danced to, “The Thunder Rolled” a Garth Brookes song about spouse abuse and infidelity. We left and rented some movies instead of drinking up any more “romance” and “glamour”. The theme was Arabian Nights and there was a stuffed camel in the foyer. Nothing says “pinnacle of youth” like a stuffed camel and Garth Brookes, does it? Yeah, somehow my child will just have to survive the disappointment.

How will she achieve anything is she does not have to compete?

Competition can be fun, but it is not why people learn or how they find the person they want to be. Competition is a poor motivator for those things. We possess a natural urge to learn and to master the skills our environments require. Besides, my kid does not respond to competition. She’s rather learn Judo than play soccer because she’s more into challenging herself than someone else. That’s just who she is and no method of schooling is going to change that.

How will she learn to tolerate bullying?

She won’t and that is a good thing. Why would I want her to learn to stay in an abusive situation or a hostile workplace? We don’t need anymore adults who won’t walk away from violent and belittling circumstances. Such a lesson is unnatural and immoral. Children should not be allowed to be abusers or be abused.


How will she make friends and have a social life?

The same way adults do. You meet a variety of people of different ages and you talk to them in the real world. Being planted silently in rows like so many turnips is not the first step to a happy social life.

Won’t she be sheltered and grow up without appreciation of diversity?

Absolutely not. My child goes to Pride picnics. We live in a racially diverse neighborhood. We’re all about diversity. We’re frighteningly close to a Benaton ad. Our family interacts with a wide swath of the population. She is not restricted by age, social status, race, gender, religion etc. in who she spends her time with. Meanwhile traditional schools either by accident or design do segregate by some of those categories.

Aren’t all you homeschoolers religious zealots?

Some are. I mean, I’ve never known any to fly planes into buildings or anything, but I’ve known some homeschoolers to burn Christmas trees in protest of symbols of secular Christmas. I admit that is weird. So are some publicly schooled kids’ families. The method of education is not what makes them weird and I support their right to be whatever they feel they should be. But the majority of those who have turned away from traditional schooling are not so far out. Many are quite conservative religiously and very passionate about their faith. We are not. My hubby is an agnostic deist. I’m an atheist and we all share a natural worldview. We sometimes attend Pagan camp outs and have a plethora of religious friends who disagree with us religiously and often politically, but whom we love very much and cherish as a part of our family. In other words, we don’t treat mythology as science, we don’t do purity balls and I’m not afraid my kid will catch the gay.


I’d love to rant more but I have to wrap this up and prepare for tonight. You see, while I’ve been typing my husband and child have been working on one of our cars out in the heat. They replaced a tire and a starter. But we’re meeting a group of friends for dinner and then proceeding on to Drafenville to be extras in a Zombie movie! We’ll be up all night doing the step slide shuffle and I have to refresh them and limber up so that we’re our best as we presumably chase a young heroine through the brush to a deserted farm house. I’m not too worried; she’ll probably twist her ankle an fall. They always do. But, better safe than sorry, we should practice.

So until next time….Grrrrrr Argh…..